Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Why I Shouldn't Ever Be Left Alone or otherwise titled When Products Go Bad

The Play-uhs: Dazed, Confused and Egotistical Bath and Body Works Products

HEADACHE RELIEF STICK: Dudes, where are we?

PERV DUCK MINTS: In some chick's bathroom

RAINKISSED BODY LOTION: Ooo, I can't wait for her to open me up and smell me.

JAPANESE BLOSSOM BODY LOTION: I heard this chick can't smell..Good luck with that.

RAINKISSED: Then why did her husband bring us home to her?

MYSTERIOUS WHITE CREME: Probably because he's a turd and like everyone else in her life, forgets she can't smell...of course....this is only a guess...

RAINKISSED: Oh no! Will she use us at all then?

J.BLOSSOM: Of course she'll use me. I've been around for centuries healing the skin of old hags like her with my ternifolia seed oil, aloe leaf juice and other faux products that make me smell like kick-ass cherry blossoms.

RAINKISSED: Such negative karma J.Blossom. We must remain positive..I'm sure she'll love my hari khrisha bald-headed-like smoothness. My blissful rainleaf oil will calm her frayed nerves.

PERV DUCK: From what I heard coming from their room last night, I don't think either of them have frayed nerves..boo-yah!!!

HEADACHE: Bitch, please. I've heard her say that 'she has a headache' before. She can totally use my stick.

PERV DUCK: Huh huh..you said 'stick'.


MYSTERIOUS WHITE: Even though I'm barely labeled and in a plain container, I know she'll use me because she's very accepting of all things different.

PERV DUCK: I heard she was just a product ho. Break me off a piece of dat..

J.BLOSSOM: That's it Rainkissed. Enough of this karma crap. I challenge you to a bitch-slappin sumo-wrestling contest!

RAINKISSED: No! I cannot! I will not forego the teachings of my sensei who once said that fighting was senseless and..




RAINKISSED: OOOh yeah..what d'ya think of that? C'mon get up! Is that all ya got, huh? HUH?! Bring it, BRING IT!

PERV DUCK: Ladies! Ladies! Stop! Um.......Can I get in on this action?

PERV DUCK: moaning... So does that mean..maybe?
EVERYONE: Shut the f*#k up Buttercup!

BUTTERCUP: I know you're all busy not fitting in..but the shaving cream by the sink just told me that home girl is allergic to any skin product with oil so she's not using any of you. At least she and her man can put on some Luther Vandross tonight, light ME up and have a par-tay. Bow Chicka Wow Wow....

BUTTERCUP: oh-Shugga-Honey-Ice-Tea...

GIFT CERTIFICATE: Y'all are whack. At least I can be re-gifted. Better yet, this chick can buy some massage oil for her man and get him all lubed up..How's that for BOO-YAH Bee-otch?!

Concept stolen shamelessly (but honestly) from Amalah who's original post was so much funnier and creative than mine.


Swirl Girl said...

Amalah's was classic, yes...but yours was equally hilarious.

You smokin' some weird shee-it, girl!



Caroline said...

Robin (yn?),

Here is my official thank you note for visiting my post on thank you notes. I don't have your mailing address, otherwise I would send you a real one on my "cheesy" stationary. Okay, you really shouldn't be left alone with B&BW products. That's some crazy stuff you're doing. Funny though. BTW, you have a very nice looking family. I say that in a totally innocent and non-stalkerish way.

BoufMom9 said...

This is too funny! LOVE that you can make fun of yourself so that we can all laugh. LOL
PS Maybe people buy you that stuff because you stink??? LOL Well... you can't smell right? LOL Maybe they are covering up "something"....haha
Ok, that was just wrong. I know my itty bitty fragile ego would be totally paranoid ...hope I didn't just make you paranoid!
Seriously though...how do you know if you smell???

dani said...

robin, you are so funny!!! i was cracking up through your whole post. you have got TOOOOO much time on your hands:b

Amanda said...

That was funny!!! That could be made into a short movie, i would watch it!

American in Norway said...

OK... wanting to hear about MEXICO... whatcha doing girl?

I'm married. I have 3 kids. I have a big nose. Now go on and catch up.

Keep it nice or I'll post your email and make fun of you.


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