Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Welcome Back Steve...Otherwise titled Why I Hate Steve

Hi I'm Steve. I'm a friend of Robin's. I visit her often even though she is old enough now where I should have stopped visiting years ago. I come and go as I please, show up unannounced, and stay for quite awhile. Her husband thinks I'm hysterical and loves it when I stay with her.

I am a zit and I live prominently on Robin's face.

I tend to grow quite large with a bulbous pussy whitehead. I like to torture Robin by showing up in places where she can't hide me with make-up. Currently, I am on Robin's cheek so if she's not near a mirror she can see me by just glancing down. Robin has tried to kill me on several occasions. She's squeezed me to within an inch of my life but I always survive. Her husband is obsessed with popping me but Robin won't let him because the last time he did it, he squeezed so hard he left a scar but...I survived (roaches have nothing on me). She has given up and now just attempts to hide me with that thing she calls 'foundation'.

My favorite place to visit is on Robin's forehead just above and between her eyebrows. I like to stay for at least a month or so. If she tries to scratch me off, she just gets a scab/scar which is even worse so there I stay. Those zit creams are a joke and don't work on me. I'm so big right now that I can actually make her skin itch and actually be a little painful.

It has gotten to the point that Robin cut bangs back in to hide me. The joke is on her though because she has this thing called a 'cow lick' that makes her bangs part in the middle. So instead, she freaks out, curses, and laimly tries to fix these bangs so she can hide me. I find this toooooo funny and am so glad I chose to live on her instead of a guy..

Her husband says Robin should be glad that she still gets zits because that means her skin is still young. She normally either tells him to step off or finds some way to insult whatever imperfection he is suffering from at the moment (currently it's the jellyfish sting on his ankle that he won't stop scratching. It's nasty). But I digress.

I called my cousin Whitey to come over for a visit. I usually see him about every other month so it's time again. Much to his delight, Robin's husband noticed that Whitey popped in on her forehead yesterday. I am so excited that he's here. Time for a par-tay..Hey Robin, we need food. Stop being such a meanie and eat some chocolate woman. My dad Red, my brother Poc, and my sister Pain-ella want to pop in for a visit as well.


Swirl Girl said...

You know you're getting older when you can name your zits...I'm glad Steve doesn't come from a large family!

Kelly said...

You know you have talent as a writer when the post gives your readers the heebie-jeebies with the visualizations that are now implanted in my mind!

Weith Kick said...

I know. I had this zit on the side of my nose forever. I was starting to believe it wasn't a zit but something else because it was sticking around for so long. I still don't think it's gone. I think it is hibernating.

Robin said...

I finally had one leave, he visited for about a week and refused to leave on his own.

ps. I just thought it was cool to find another Robin blogger...it's the most common name.

The Herzog Family said...

I think when Steve leaves he comes to visit me! Maybe you need to use some reverse psychology and just feed him some chocolate and maybe he will be happy and leave! If not, at least you will be a little happier

Jenny said...

I love your blog! I have something sparkly and wonderful over on my blog for you! : )

Claudious said...

I don't like Steve. I think that your husband is right, it shows that you still have young skin. Isn't that wonderful news?

Kari Haskell said...

yuck...:) Clean and Clear FOAMING wash works for me....but then they FUCKING discontinued it!!! My last bottle will run out this week...then I'm FUCKED.

dani said...

I HATE ADULT ACNE!!! I HATE, HATE, HATE IT!!! zapzit helps though if you don't have dry skin (which i don't)... excellent post, robin:b

I'm married. I have 3 kids. I have a big nose. Now go on and catch up.

Keep it nice or I'll post your email and make fun of you.


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