Friday, October 17, 2008


As some of you know, I have an older brother named Keith. He's always been an awesome big brother. When we were kids, he always did the things I wanted to do, played the games I wanted to play, went swimming when I wanted to swim and basically was just there for his lil sister. There weren't a lot of fights between us..that I remember at least.

He did have his moments though.

Like when he would catch me doing something wrong then blackmail me so he wouldn't tell our parents...


When he would hang my barbies from my ceiling fan or have my ken doll do unspeakable things to them...

The creme d'la creme though was one particular hot summer afternoon.

Keith and I were swimming while our parents were doing yardwork. At some point, Keith started teasing me about something. For the life of me, I can't remember what. My dad kept telling him to stop but he wouldn't. This went one for awhile in the pool. I finally decided I'd had enough and got out. Keith followed taunting me..

When I reached my breaking point, which to be honest probably wasn't long because my fuse was much much shorter than it is now, I started chasing Keith around the yard yelling and calling him all kinds of names. My mom started yelling at me to stop yelling and at Keith to leave me alone.

Neither of us listened.

Since Keith was the older child, he got the better room in the house. It had the standard bedroom door but it also had another door leading directly into the backyard. As we both ran around the grass like idiots, Keith decided to ditch me by running into his room, slamming the door and locking me out. By that point, I was completely irrational and decided that this boy was going to get a serious beatdown...or at least as much as I could apply at 7 or 8...the door wasn't going to slow me down.

I grabbed the door handle and started slamming my body against the door screaming, "Lemme in! Lemme in! Lemme in!" Ok, so I've neglected to mention that Keith's door was mainly glass. Yes, people glass. It had (has) 4 glass panels separated by strips of wood moulding, like a french door.

At this point, our parents were actually standing completely still in the yard. Frozen to their spots with their garden gloves, edgers, probably wondering why they were even surprised an event such as this was occurring between their two offspring.

Back to the action - I'm slamming my butt against the door, Keith is in his room making obnoxious faces and laughing at me through the glass while my parents stare pointlessly at us realizing that we were probably both switched at birth.

Me: Bang! Bang! Bang! "Lemme in! Lemme in!"
Keith: "Haha..Haha..Haha..You wish!"
Parents: silence
Me: Bang! Bang! Bang! "Let (Bang!)...Me (Bang!)...In (Bang!)...NOW!


My butt is now inside my brother's room while the rest of me is still outside.

Parents: silence
Keith: "Oooo, you are SO gonna get it now Rob! Kiss your life good-bye!"
Me: "Mom Dad, it's not my fault! Keith did it! He made me do it!"
Parents: "Keith Middle Name Last Name! How could you do that to your sister! She broke the glass! She could really be hurt!"

Me: Frozen with my butt stuck in the door full of broken jagged glass, I stare at my parents in shock that I for once did not get in trouble.

They run over to me, pull me out, check me over. Not one scratch, scrape, or cut. Don't forget I was wearing a bathing suit.

Keith is standing in his room..horror spreads over his face...he knows he's beyond busted....I can't remember his exact punishment but I know whatever he got, he got it good..and then some.

This was a rare but sweet childhood victory for me.

Revenge is best served cold..over glass.

Footnote - My hubby always teases me that Keith and I weren't really raised together as we consistently have totally different memories/versions of our childhood happenings. I doubt this story will be any different. Hmm..we shall see what big brotha writes in my comments.


dani said...

you were totally lucky, rob!!! at my house, we both would have gotten an ass whooping:o

greedygrace said...

Keith should right his own version in his blog! I'd love to see the comparison!

Swirl Girl said...

That trumps my story of when my brother tried to chop my toes off with the shovel from the fireplace. Or when he knocked me off a chair onto the fireplace hearth causing excessive bleeding and an unplanned haircut.

he used to beat the crap out of me...and never got in trouble.

Shelly... said...

That is hilarious!!! My brother and I used to fight ALLTHETIME and drive my parents crazy!
I have seen Keith around on different blogs commenting. It's always fun to connect the dots to people.

Sammanthia said...

Now that you're all grown up, revenge is best served cold over glass with a shot of tequila... cheers to you.;)

Weith Kick said...

I don't remember the circumstances as to why I locked you out, but I do remember your butt crashing through the window.

I'm married. I have 3 kids. I have a big nose. Now go on and catch up.

Keep it nice or I'll post your email and make fun of you.

My Life on the D-List

D-List Blogger

Family Blogs - Blog Catalog Blog Directory