Sunday, June 8, 2008

Cancun Update - Day 3

The Annoying Drunk Woman

The hub gets out of bed dancing. We stay out at the pool all day and relax. You don't realize how many mudslides you drink because they go down wwaayy to easy and are free. Lots of water volleyball, more mudslides, and tons of sunscreen.

We eat dinner at this fabulous steakhouse in the hotel (and no I didn't eat meat, just yummy shrimp). It was AMAZING then take a cab to Pat O'Briens. We were a little early which was fine cuz we were able to find two good seats at the bar and we just start hanging out watching everyone. We see this lady in her 40's hanging out at the bar by herself getting shots from the tequila girl. At first glance, she's well dressed and a pretty gal. Cut to about an hour later - She is drunk out of her mind and has about 5 empty shot glasses and 6 empty beer mugs in front of her. This woman invented the term SLOPPY DRUNK. Things she did:

*Tried to make out with the tequila shot girl
*Got up on stage with a couple who were singing karoake together and got right in their faces while they were trying to sing (the waiters finally pulled her off the stage)
*Tried to do the electric slide but couldn't..but still did..while she staggered and stumbled
*Got in a conga line with a stupid sombrero hat then suddenly pulled a much younger guy towards her as he was walking and started kissing him

She continues to kiss him and you could tell he thought about it for a second then said "what the hell" and started kissing her back. Within a couple minutes though he realized was a mess she was and escaped back to his table where his buddies were (while they were laughing the entire time). The hub said the guys were starting to give him the 'buddy look'..Of course, she didn't even notice he was gone and probably forgot instantly she molested him on the dance floor.

Of course, we're both laughing hysterically at this point. By the time we compose ourselves, she's disappeared. I predict throwing up in the bathroom, the hub says something about a back alley. We leave and walk next door to Margaritaville.

We're at the bar again having fun when I look on the dance floor and....THERE SHE IS AGAIN dancing and grinding with one of the waiters. After I yell to the hub, "YOU'RE KIDDING ME, LOOK!" he turns around and starts laughing. Dumb things she did there:

*Dance on stage with girls half her age (she has NO RHYTHM whatsoever)
*Stays on stage by herself, lays on her back, keeps pumping her pelvis up. She's wearing someone's red visor at this point
*Keeps pulling down the cap sleeves on her little black dress to expose her shoulders but the sleeves keep coming back up
*STAYS on stage AND continues to dance in front of the now brought down movie screen showing Madonna's Like A Virgin video. I have tears in my eyes at the point laughing at the irony of this scene. Again, waiters eventually drag her off
*Tries continually to convince the bartender to hold her purse behind the bar but he won't do it
*Jumps from group to group of young kids butting in on their fun thinking she is just as young as they are

Paul thinks she is an ugly high paid hooker. I think she's a realtor who's lonely and looking for love in all the wrong places.

If this isn't enough, some very drunk tall young blonde starts motioning to either me or Paul, we're not sure which. I quickly realize that she's motioning to Paul but when I catch her eye and give her the EVEN-THOUGH-WE-CAN'T-GET-IN-TROUBLE-SINCE-WE'RE-HERE-(SOMEWHAT)-ON-BUSINESS- I- WILL-STILL-DECK-YOU-DRAG-YOU-OUTSIDE-AND-ROLL-YOU-IN-THE PARKING-LOT-THEN-DENY-I-DID-IT look. She gets the hint, makes the cutting motion under her neck then stumbles into some scary guy that looks like a wannabe Jack Black. Use your imagination from there.

Can you tell I've had too much to drink at this point? For me that equals about 2 margaritas. Apparently I didn't get the memo because we went to the Hard Rock next and caught the last set of the incredible band. All of sudden, we realize we're old again and need to go home. Back to the hotel we go.



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I'm married. I have 3 kids. I have a big nose. Now go on and catch up.

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