Hahahahaha....Baaahaahaaahaha!!

Twitter Jerks

Ok, so I have accepted that I don't get a lot of responses to my tweets on Twitter. There are a few people that I will no longer leave comments on their blogs cuz they BLATANTLY ignore me when I tweet back to them. Yes, I am mature like that.

One particular person really chaps my hide. I don't know why exactly but he really irks me when he tweets. I could go on and on and on about this topic but seriously, what's the point? People are who they are and I can't kill them. Accept it Robin and move on....

So imagine my surprise yesterday when I run into my bloggy friend Jill at Retro..We haven't seen each other since our coffee morning at Starbucks months ago..We chat for a minute and then she says the funniest thing I had heard all day:

"What's been goin on with you? You've been writing the weirdest things on twitter lately!"

Yahoo!

I doubt many bloggers actually get face-to-face feedback regarding their tweets so me being the nutjob weirdo that I am, thought it was totally BOSS! Yes, I was a teenager in the 80's, people.

Now that I have some serious twitter affirmation, I am declaring that this cancels out any irritation I feel when I twit at least for a day or so, cuz I am so mature like that.

Thank you Jill! Now everyone, go to her blog and read about how she's raising money for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Then donate some green in honor of her acknowledging me on Twitter..face to face..in a bakery..with cupcakes in our hands..

Now I'm off to irritate myself people on twitter.

Cuz I'm cool like dat.

Favorite Comment-
I'm still grossing out about that frog pic. What's wrong with you?!
Weith Kick

Splat Goes The Frog

Update - Ok, due to popular demand, the dead frog picture is at the bottom of this post. View at your own discretion. Yuck, I gagged just taking the picture.

I killed a frog last night. In my driveway. With the Green Monster.

I didn't mean to do it. Why didn't the dang thing hop away when it saw me coming? It must have been like a deer frog in the headlights or something.

When I walked around the truck to get Pip out, I glanced down the driveway and noticed something glistening in the streetlight. Huh? I sauntered down thinking it was a little piece of trash that the garbage man spilled from the trash can and didn't pick up.

Ugh. I ran over one of it's front legs and amputated it. Blood was running down my stamped concrete driveway...

I didn't tell Pip of course but when we got inside I told Paul and Hunter. They went out to take a gander then came back in and called me a frog killer.

This morning the 3 of us went out to look at it. Gross..It was like a high school frog dissection gone wayyyyy wrong. Of course, the arguing over who was going to clean it up began.

Paul: You really need to get that cleaned up.
Me: I'm not doing it! Gross! Yuck!
Hunter: Let the dogs eat it..
Paul: Just get a shovel, scoop it up, and throw it in the trash can. I think I see a job for Hunter.
Me: Yeah, me too. Just get the hose and spray it into the rock.
Hunter: Hey! That's not fair! I didn't do it.
Me: Just get the pooper scooper and scoop it up.
Hunter: Why can't we just let the dogs eat it?!
Me: Hunter!!!
Paul: This is going on your blog isn't it.
Me: Probably.

Paul and Hunter want me to post a picture of it on my blog. Should I? It's pretty gross..

Right now, Hunter is singing behind me: I killed a frog and I liked it.....

A Letter to A Dumb Security Guard

Dear Neighborhood Security Guard,

Please pull out your handbook on how to be a chilvarious security guard or better yet, a smart one. I'm sure this handbook was included in your new hire materials when you were hired to drive around and pretend to guard our gated community.

On page 1 of your handbook it clearly states:

If you see a woman sprinting down the street chasing her dog, HELP her.

So why dear security guard, did you drive up and ask me if I needed help when obviously you weren't planning to help at all? Asking me if that is my dog and why isn't she leashed isn't helping when I'm breathless, I have a teenager and toddler running behind me yelling, and my other dog is trying to yank me forward practically off my feet from his leash. Use your brain man.

I've seen your peers help other catch their dogs. I've even seen them chase down strays , throw them in the security truck, take them to the guard gate and call the pound.

I asked a simple question of you. "Will you open your passenger side door and just call for her? She loves car rides and will jump right in." Instead you say something unintellligible and drive off, leaving me standing there in this chaos while my dog continues to run. Waa? Huh?

My son took over the chase and eventually caught the dog several blocks down, along with the help of friendly neighbor who drove ahead of Hunter and cut Daisy off before she could cross the street.

Shouldn't YOU have done this since you saw me running in horror as my dog ran near the main street in our neighborhood? You know..The one where all the cars drive up and down when leaving/entering our community? The one YOU drive on..

I guess you didn't help because it was my son's fault for Daisy getting loose by not putting her collar on tight enough. Or maybe you didn't help because our HOA rules say dogs must be leashed at all times when outside in the public areas and mine obviously wasn't. Doi. She was leashed but escaped...or did you not figure that out even though I was holding her collar/leash in my empty hand?

If I ever see your dog/cat/ferrett/mouse/snake or whatever pet you may own loose on the street, I'm gonna take it to the pound and leave it's poop on your doorstep.

Sincerely Yours,
A resident whose HOA fees help pay your salary. Glad to know it's money well spent.

Why I Workout

I used to look like this:

4 kids later, I started to look like this:

And that folks is why I work out.

God, I'm SO Sorry Eve Ate That Apple.

Last week I had my yearly and all that that implies ugh. But let's back up a moment and set the stage so you may understand my mood of that morning.

A rather unusual smooth morning getting the kids ready for school. No dawdling (my mom's favorite word), no mouthiness, no food spilled on our school clothes, and some strange alien-like cooperation when getting in the car. ..ps. this was all the Pip.... Hunter is the easy morning child.

Dropping Pip off at her little pre-school. Smooth. Driving to Starbucks. Smooth. Waiting at the pick-up window for my coffee..A long but smooth wait. They were almost done brewing a new pot of decaf so I had to wait a minute or two. No big deal. I was jammin to some Sirius..Luv me some Sirius.

Starbucks dude leans out and hands me my coffee AND a coupon for a free cup of any coffee on my next visit for being so sweet, cute and lovable..oh and for agreeing to wait a minute or two.

NOW there is a huge smile on my face. I know where I'm headed next and I almost don't care...THEN I get there. I walk in with my yummy Starbucks and check in. Even though I am not a new patient, I had to fill out everything again, always an irritant, but I'm still good cuz I have my cup o'joe. As I finish up, the gal at the desk advises me no food or drink in the waiting room so I'll have to take my coffee outside. NOW the irrititation starts. I take a big swig, glare at the gal who has shaved her eyebrows off and painted in fake ones, and walk outside. I put my coffee in the green monster then come back in and wait.

I'm in the room. Long story short, as I am on the table, my 'visitor' decided to stop in. At that very moment. Appointment aborted. My OB said to come back in 2 weeks. MORE irritation.
My day was taking a dump pretty quickly.

I leave and take the green monster in the to get the oil changed and have them check out my check engine light. It'll take 30 minutes they say. Yeah right I'm thinking. Sure nuf, almost 2 hours and a special part ordered, they still aren't done. I told them several times, I need to be out of here by 11:45. Speed it up. 11:45 comes, MY TRUCK IS STILL UP ON THE RACK.

I lean through the window and yell, "Get my truck off the rack! I need to pick up my daughter NOW!" They stare, my truck comes down, I leave. I'm outside grabbing the keys from the mechanic. I step off the curb too early, my ankle bends in half, I fall off and stumble against my truck. The mechanic advises me to be careful or I could break an ankle. I glare at him, mumble something in Spanish, grab the keys, jump in and slam the door.

My day was now officially crap.

Other things that happened last week:

*I got a callback for the musical I auditioned for. I went yesterday for the 2nd audition.
*I put my husband on a plane so he could spend the weekend with the guys back home.
*I got a hickey at a 4 year old's birthday party.

Bad JuJu?

Recently:

I tripped over a curb and fell against my truck outside of PeiWei....in front of a group of men who were, for some reason, tailgaiting in front of a cigar store.

A couple weeks later, same restaraunt. I had trouble backing out of a parking spot, different group of men partying outside the cigar store, one of them finally had to wave me out while the rest hooted and laughed.

One night outside, I took a sip of wine and felt something strange slip into my mouth. I spit back into the glass and saw....a dead moth.

I was helping Piper brush her teeth when I felt something tickle on my arm. I look down to see a spider crawling up it.

Last night I caught Baxter (dog) trying to get up on the bar to get some food. I ran over yelling for him to stop, sprained my ankle tripping over the kids' shoes, and fell into the sofa table.

Got my oil changed this morning. When I walked outside to pick up the truck from the mechanic, stepped off the curb too early, I bent my other ankle in half, and stumbled to the truck.